FOMO

FEAR OF MISSING OUT

I recently explored the enneagram and discovered the number category for mine and Loren’s personality types. It feels too vulnerable to come right out and share them, because if you know anything about the enneagram, you understand that upon revealing your number there is an immediate transparency.

I am the type of person who likes new adventures, spontaneity, meeting new people, and trying new things. I am a curious learner, and I continually seek variety in the day to day. And moving to Japan was like a dream come true…everything was fresh and exciting, even going to the grocery store was a new experience. These days there are still plenty of new adventures to be had. I suffer from serious FOMO, not by comparing myself to others, but by looking at my own life and seeing a million new possibilities. Japan amplifies this feeling by about 250%.

And I never turn down an invitation.

But I am a pretty private person and I do not often share all the behind-the-scenes of these adventures, so I decided I would share a few stories on my post today. Like the time I agreed to go with a friend to the local bath house. Get together with strangers and take a bath? Sure! The trick is to act natural. I thought another trick was to mind your own business, but that was not the case. Everyone tried to talk to me and London as soon as we walked in. So I stood there naked, face to face with strangers asking me questions and making conversation in Japanese, and I replied back as best I could in half sentences. I did enjoy the sauna though, it had a big bowl of salt for exfoliating and a television I pretended to watch. Some of the ladies were taking turns rubbing salt on each other’s backs. When my neighbor offered me a turn, I opted to politely comply. It was not very relaxing, but I am glad to have experienced this important part of Japanese culture and the bonding that occurs when you attend a 銭湯 sentō with a friend.

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There have been numerous times in the past year when the girls have been out with us late at night, mostly for dinner parties. I have enjoyed so many good meals sitting at a low table on a tatami mat because we are willing to go as a family with our four young daughters. It is especially fun now that the girls can speak Japanese. What is not fun is when your 5-year-old passes out cold at the end of the meal, and then floods the front entrance with a river of pee as your are leaving (poor parenting on our part for letting her drink three tall sodas). I could not look anyone in the eye as I frantically cleaned the floor with paper hand towels from the bathroom. Loren was in the background holding our daughter (still sleeping) with wet shoes and pants, trying to verbally force the other three girls into getting out the door. After that, I told Loren he could not ask me to attend any more dinner parties for a long time.

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I have to say that living in Japan and going on all of these adventures can be difficult. Everything here is different, the way I wash laundry is different. The way the Japanese ask a 1st grade math question is different. The way you share a meal and walk into church is different. I would also say Japanese culture is pretty strict, and sometimes the cultural demands add extra pressure. Recently, we were blessed to have a lovely friend and her daughter take us girls to lunch and then to the local pool. Thankfully, I did know beforehand that you cannot enter pools, baths, or onsens with a tattoo. Tattoos are such a taboo in Japan, and the small tattoo on my right foot has been an unexpected burden here. They say it is because the criminal gang (the Yakuza) have tattoos and they are banning these members from entering public places. I heard another symbol of the Yakuza are sunglasses, and you hardly ever see a Japanese person wearing them. Most (I could say all) Japanese wear full head to toe swim gear, so you could probably get away with hiding body tattoos in a pool if you are willing to also cover up. But the tape-like cover over my tattoo barely lasted a couple of hours, and my anxiety climbed as the wave pool washed away more of it bit by bit. I wondered if at any minute one of the lifeguards was going to notice and kick me out (they did make me take my smart watch off just an hour before). Adding to the squirmish feeling was the fact that we were the only Americans at the pool (it is very obvious we are not Japanese). I am not bothered by this as much as I was in the past, but in times of stress it amplifies my discomfort. I am thankful I knew to bring a long sleeve swim shirt to wear over my two piece bathing suit, because peer pressure is REAL, and I don’t need people staring at me as that crazy American lady with four kids in a bikini. I’ll save that experience for another day. Although I learned that if you head out to the beach it is a whole different world– foreigners, loud music, and skin everywhere.

Oh, I shouldn’t leave out the part of the story where I shoved udon noodles into my purse under the counter at lunch. I was trying to save everyone from the embarrassment of seeing the pile of food my kids and I couldn’t finish. That’s a thing here, finishing your food, and it is very rare that you can take home a to-go box. My Japanese language teacher told me not to worry so much, and that foreigners often get a “pass”, but I seriously can’t help it and I never want to be a burden on those who host us.

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I always keep our family on the go, but this love of life can also come at a cost. My body and mind are often yelling at me that they are TIRED. Yet despite the days of burn out, I am ready for more. I have a plan after my next plan, and this is my weakness. I fear boredom and continually seek contentment by fleeing from the mundane. In the end there will never be enough adventures to fill up my bottomless bucket. Recently, I read an instagram post by yourenneagramcoach that stopped me mid-scroll:

Because of Christ in you, you can be completely satisfied. He has planned a magnificent future for you.

“But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of living water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:14

These words spoke a gentle reminder to my soul, that I can confidently trust in God’s plan for my life. When I tune into the whispers of God, I can be at peace in the present, accept that quality is greater then quantity, and know with confidence that my bucket will be filled much higher then when I seek my own pleasures. In this truth is also where I will find the rest I desperately need.

So now you know more about me then you did before, and I hope you enjoyed sharing in our adventures.

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