A week of chaos, tears and frustration
I have now calmed down enough to be able to write out the last week without sounding like a jerk. I have now processed the last week and can reflect without crying. I have made it through and I have a little thicker skin then what I had last Monday. I have tried to wait out writing this post until God gave me some profound revelation, but the truth is I still feel like a whining baby this second week…but that is real and I wanted to keep sharing our journey in truth.
We have had a lot of let downs and struggles in regards to our move to Japan. I think the pressure has also been building for my husband and I as
we try to wrap things up and prepare for the transition. We have been saying our goodbyes to friends and family and checking off items on our to do list. Through it all, I still keep the busy schedule of loving, feeding, providing for and playing with our four young daughters (the oldest is 6 years old), as my husband continues to work full time. About a week ago we found out that we had to push our moving date out a few weeks. We had hoped to get to Japan a little early to settle in. The obvious reasons include stocking our fridge, getting phones and utilities set up, taking our driving lessons, prepping for school that starts in April, and to finish furnishing the house- all without a vehicle and on the dependence of others before Loren starts work and the kids start school. And doing it all with these kids takes some extra time. 
But now we will arrive only four days before our oldest starts school (more on that journey in a future post) and the flight was so full our family has to split up and we will be flying 14 hours in two separate groups on the plane. So that is briefly where the chaos, tears and frustration came into play last week, if you just imagine sprinkling other fun stressful things in here and there. I also have an unsettling feeling that this is probably the norm, Japan will not be easy and no one really cares if we have all these children (it was our choice to birth them all right?). I cannot expect people to accommodate for the tiny detail of we have four children six and under. Like when we had a reception lady be super rude to us when we were in Detroit obtaining our visas for Japan (no, she was not Japanese and yes she started it) and I guess then I had to rudely point out “DO YOU SEE ALL THESE CHILDREN, we have had a long day already and you are making it WAY WORSE”, she argued back and forth with me (yes, I argued with the lady…can you even picture it?) and she ended the argument with “have a blessed day ma’am.” WHAT? If you wanted my day to be blessed, couldn’t you have just been nice to us in the first place?
So now I have to get a grip. Like I said, my skin is a little thicker now but I am trying not to harden my heart as well. One great thing about moving out of the country is people are forced to hang out with you when you tell them it’s the last time you will see them for two years. So, we got to see many friends and family last week that we haven’t seen in a while. We will also still be in the country for the birth of two babies we would have missed.
Despite that, I just wanted to be upset and annoyed. I really did not want anyone to tell me “it will all work out” or “God has a plan”. I know Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”. I know He has called our family, but sometimes God feels far away and I feel my faith fatigue and my eyes can only see the problems right before me. Even though I have been plugging my ears and ignoring God like a terrible toddler, He still sent me a few messages last week. He sang the Elli Holcomb song “He Will” to me in the shower.
HE WILL LYRICS
[Verse 1]
Heaven came and kissed the earth
Prophets long ago foretold His birth
He became the living word
To show the human heart its worth, oh-oh-oh-ohh
[Pre-Chorus]
Whether I’m in want or plenty
Whether I’m in health or ill
Our God promises His children
He will, He will
[Chorus]
He’ll bind up the brokenhearted
Oh He will, oh He will
He’ll set captives free from darkness
Oh He will, oh He will
He’ll breathe hope into the hopeless
Help a restless soul be still
Oh-ohh, oh-ohh
He will, He will…
Then I realized I might not feel like hearing what God has to tell me, but if I claim that I love, trust, and obey Him, then my negative emotions to a situation He is in control of minimizes who He is. My God is omnipotent, good, faithful, sovereign…even if I just want to be a whiney baby, I am then telling the rest of the world that I do not believe in who God is and His promises.
(check this out on the 17 attributes of God: http://www.i-love-jesus-christ.us/memes/17-Attributes-of-God.shtml)
“Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you”
Jeremiah 32:17
I think a major way God tangibly shows us how He loves and cares for us is in our (healthy) friendships. I also know that when I can sit and hang out with a friend, I can put everything back in perspective. I remember that the world does not revolve around me and my family, I put my selfishness 
aside and I realize we all have our own struggles. As I struggled through the week, I got to visit with many close friends and family (as I continued to play the whole moving out of the country card, we even got an awesome going away party!). And when my dear friend with four young boys, who also happened to be watching her 8-week-old nephew, let me come over to hang and then also fed me and my kids lunch I felt SOOOOO blessed and cared for. I can feel the love of God and His spirit in any place that I fellowship with others. I felt His companionship through my friend who always has a million things going on, but never lets you know it…she just squeezes you in between her grocery shopping, throws her frozen goods in your freezer, brings you a drink, and hangs like she has a million hours in the day to just chill with you. Again, I feel filled up and God ministers to my angry heart through a friend who just wants to spend time with me.
“two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
At church on Sunday our Pastor commented how much he loves the church and he hoped it could be a rest stop for all of us on our busy highway of life. I felt grateful as I worshipped God in church, and we only have a few more weeks left of that here in the states. It kind of ended the week on a better note and I learned a few things about life and myself as I reflected on the past seven days. I am learning that stress makes you so tired, and I know a lot of us are stressed and most are probably just used to it. Maybe I can just offer the advice to identify your rest stops. My rest stops are having fellowship and offering friendship, worshipping God through music, working out (neglected) and hugging my kids and husband. Maybe go be that friend to someone or find a friend. Maybe make a playlist and turn it up so loud everything else is drowned out. Spend time with God, uncup your hands from your ears and listened to Him sing to you. Feel loved through a hug.
Can I also include my recommended playlist for a good time and a strong counseling session?:
1. Our God-Israel Houghton
2. Uncomfortable-Andy Mineo
3. Boasting-Lecrae
4. God in Me-Mary Mary
5. All of Me-Flame
6. Fuego-Lecrae
7. Church Clap-KB
8. Take me There-Trip Lee
9. Cant Stop-Andy Mineo
10. Till the Day I Die-Toby Mac
11. Hear My Heart-Andy Mineo
12. Only a Test-V Mitchell
13. King of the World-Natalie Grant
14. Awesome-R-Swift
15. Give Me-Kirk Franklin
….thanks for reading