I have to start at the beginning…
We get the question a lot, “how did you guys meet”? A great question that can also lead into a long story, because here we are almost 10 years later. The story has some glamour, some romance and also some baggage.
I was in my last year of nursing school at Western Michigan University. By this time, I had been through a few years of college. These years consisted of studying hard, working hard, joining the Air National Guard, dating, partying, deciding my future and studying abroad in Europe. I knew I wanted to move west and then eventually abroad…find fulfillment in experiencing new places and practicing my independency and self-sufficiency—do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Go out and find happiness and meaning in my career, my hobbies, and interests. By the time Loren and I met I had already sworn off any extra commitments and definitely had sworn off marriage and kids.
Loren and I met at a bar in downtown Kalamazoo. We made eye contact as we passed each other coming and going to the bathroom. As Loren was walking, he kept staring at me and ran into the person trying to come out of the bathroom as he was going in. I can still picture in my mind the piercing stare and then smiling as he fumbled through the door. We exchanged numbers and he called me every day at 11am until I agreed to go on a date with him. He kept telling me I looked familiar and we found out that we went to the same youth group at church as teenagers, we even knew a lot of the same people. Over time I learned a lot about him. He was working two jobs and living with his parents. He told me after our first date that he was in the middle of a divorce and I could see the pain and hurt he was working through.
He wrote this shortly after we got married:
Imagine yourself on a merry-go-round spinning really fast and trying to focus in on one thing. You would find yourself with blurred vision as everything whipped by. That was kind of how life was until that single moment when everything stopped—when I laid eyes on the most beautiful woman. The angel and love of my life. From that point on I had found my best friend and true companion. Heather seemed to make everything in life better from the taste of food, the smell of fresh air and the warmth of the sun. She opened my eyes to the things good in life and made me realize that there was so much more out there in this world to see and do. There was no doubt in my mind that this was how I wanted to feel for the rest of my life.
When I graduated that year, I took a job in San Diego. Loren helped me sell my things, packed my car and drove me out west. When we got to San Diego he skipped out on his flight and never left. It was a lot of fun and also a huge learning experience. We snorkeled, camped, traveled around, met amazing people and had great food. It also turned out to be a time of deep soul searching. We had a few things to work through— Loren’s divorce, our future, adjusting to leaving home, new jobs. I had anxiety building, we had convictions of living together and we began to discuss turning back to God after both of us had strayed away. We had been in youth group together, how did we find each other years later in a college bar buying each other a drink and feeling a little lost?
I learned that without God I had become fearful and anxious. I experienced a lot of death as an oncology nurse that first year and struggled with the pain and suffering I had seen. My life goals and expectations were questioned. What did it matter seeking happiness and self-fulfillment if all of life’s happiness depended on my own efforts? I am broken and incapable. Without God Loren felt incomplete, wandering, lost—without direction. We decided we should go to church and also that Loren needed to find a place to live. We ended up at The Rock in San Diego. We got connected to a small group and Loren moved in with a guy named Roberto and his family from work. They were from Mexico and he was the only one in the house who didn’t speak Spanish, but he had a free room with an air mattress and Roberto’s wife Lena packed Loren’s lunch everyday.
God was working on my heart in major ways. I began to read Joyce Meyer “Battle Field of the Mind” on my lunch break at work. The words soaked into my soul as I took in deep breaths of fresh air on the roof with a clear view of the ocean. God kept placing people in our lives who showed us so much love and hospitality. They invited us into their homes, took us camping, showed us all the good places to eat and befriended us. Church also began a series called “The Fine Line” about the importance of living the Christian life. Part 4 was “The Compatible Marriage” and Pastor Miles preached “together in marriage, men and women can reflect the image of God, give Him glory, love and encourage one another, act in humble submission to one another, and build a family”. It was like God was tapping me on the shoulder, tugging at my heart, revealing to me the importance of marriage. Marriage was created by God and was part of his plan for me, and following God brought us blessing and favor. He was teaching us, showing us, speaking to us and we listened and followed.
So we did get married, and so far we have four daughters. Through God’s word, the Bible, we continue to learn the ways God intends us to live and we obey because we love Him. And with God, as I live out His plan of loving Him and others, I find true happiness— manifested as joy and peace. If this life is all about me and what I can do to be the best mom, wife, friend, etc. it would never be enough. I can never be enough. But with God I can be without fear, without worry, not afraid of death because I will live eternally. Our life has direction and purpose. I am a temple of God with the Holy Spirit living inside of me, what better hope is that? I am blessed through my marriage and through my family. I am unconditionally loved by my God no matter how many mistakes I’ve made. I wake up and have a fresh new start everyday.
Lam 3:22
“The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “the Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”
So long story short, I met my husband at a bar over shots of tequila. We helped eachother find God again and I love him more today then I did on our wedding day.
***Link to The Rock San Diego “The Fine Line” message series by Pastor Miles McPherson:
http://www.sdrock.com/messages/2008-09-28/